If you have ever experienced the stresses of family holiday meals, this funny but sad comedy skit about Thanksgiving family dinner will make you chuckle. Too often we deprioritize ourselves and feel overwhelmed by the busyness of preparing an elaborate meal, mingling with relatives that we rarely see (or see too often), and the overstimulation of football games mixed with energetic kids, and unfiltered comments.
The holidays are meant to bring us closer with those we love, not overwhelm us, or sap our energy. The commercialism of Thanksgiving can crowd out the small joys. As A.A. Milne reminded us through Winnie the Pooh, “Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”[i]
How can we enjoy our friends and family without anxiety? Here are six simple strategies:
- Get rest.[ii] Instead of skimping on your sleep, order your groceries online and take an extra hour or two to rest. Store bought pumpkin and pecan pie can easily substitute for a homemade version and will free up a little me-time. Research shows that insufficient sleep is an epidemic and adds to overeating and depression.[iii]
- Take a mindful walk Thanksgiving morning. With the extra time you have from not fighting the grocery store crowds, take a 30-minute walk. Whether you’re in the city or the country, slow down and notice the quiet crisp morning air and let your mind relax.
- Avoid large meals.[iv] We’ve all learned that a fourth piece of pie is not going to make you feel better. Your body doesn’t know it’s the holiday and large meal just weighs you down in body and mind. Don’t beat yourself up, just eat a little more mindfully.
- It’s ok to say no.[v] Undoubtedly, we will take time to comfort our aging loved ones and play a game of “Guess Who?” with nieces and nephews, but make sure you show yourself a little love with a cup of tea and a quiet read, or a nap on the couch, or a walk in the neighborhood. When the political discussion takes off, feel free to excuse yourself for a little alone time.
- Wash the dishes as a meditation. You may think you don’t have time to meditate on a day like Thanksgiving but think again. Thich Nhat Hanh reminded, “If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert or a cup of tea, I will be equally incapable of enjoying my dessert or my tea when I finally have them.”[vi] Notice the feel of the water. Appreciate the joy of a job well done.
- Notice and find a moment of AWE. Moments of awe are all around us. A child tasting their first pumpkin pie, a baby sleeping, my mom facing her arthritis with a smile, the frost on the pumpkins outside my front door. We can be in continuous awe and research shows this benefits our mental and physical well-being. Awe changes our neurophysiology, reduces our self-focus, increases our connection with others, and provides a greater sense of meaning.[vii] We can see awe in nature, spirituality, music, dance, and family interactions.
Restoration not Draining
Can you envision a Thanksgiving that is restorative, not draining? Make it happen with an internal reorientation through mindfulness. Drink a cup of hot cocoa and notice the way it warms your hands and calms your mind. Share this experience with a loved one and take five minutes to express your gratitude for them, for your life, for your health, for nature, for this moment that allows you to love.
[i] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1113253-sometimes-the-smallest-things-take-up-the-most-room-in
[ii] Chattu, V. K., Manzar, M. D., Kumary, S., Burman, D., Spence, D. W., & Pandi-Perumal, S. R. (2018, December). The global problem of insufficient sleep and its serious public health implications. In Healthcare (Vol. 7, No. 1, p. 1). MDPI.
[iii] ibid
[iv] Dong, T. A., Sandesara, P. B., Dhindsa, D. S., Mehta, A., Arneson, L. C., Dollar, A. L., … & Sperling, L. S. (2020). Intermittent fasting: a heart healthy dietary pattern?. The American journal of medicine, 133(8), 901-907.
[v] Hinton Jr, A. O., McReynolds, M. R., Martinez, D., Shuler, H. D., & Termini, C. M. (2020). The power of saying no. EMBO reports, 21(7), e50918.
[vi] https://plumvillage.org/articles/memories-from-the-root-temple-washing-dishes/
[vii] Monroy, M., & Keltner, D. (2022). Awe as a pathway to mental and physical health. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 17456916221094856.