Imagine a precious baby, silky skin, and irresistible rolls of fat. Everyone gushes as the sweet baby turns into a child (cue the “look how big they’re getting!” comments) and is amazed by their changes. Then, these once-adorable-babies become adults, and the comments stop — nobody is gushing over chubby thighs anymore! Unfortunately, the common fluctuations that happen in our adult years are not considered adorable as they were decades earlier. Life events, pregnancy, and daily stressors cause a woman’s body to gain and lose weight throughout her life, yet these changes are not widely accepted due to the unrealistic appearance ideals that are placed upon women.[1]
While body image can be a difficult issue for both men and women to grapple with, it’s typically emphasized more for women.[2] The pressure for thinness and other beauty benchmarks can lead to lower self-esteem and mental illness.[3] Media portrays “beauty” as women with big breasts and butts, tiny thighs, and waists, leading women to try things like fad diets, unhealthy amounts of exercise with little nourishment or regular juice cleanses to be “beautiful.” This mindset not only harms their bodies and well-being, but it can also be intensely damaging to their sexuality as well.[4]
Media might show that weight can hamper sexual satisfaction, but research shows that this isn’t necessarily the case.[5] A better predictor of sexual satisfaction is how a woman feels about her body. When a woman possesses body confidence, she is more likely to enjoy sex than a woman who feels the need to change her body.[6] A greater focus on looks from an external perspective than internal experiences, known as self-objectification, can make a woman prone to missing important inner cues.[7] Self-objectification means taking an outsider’s perspective to your body rather than living in it. Not only is self-objectification limiting (have you ever decided not to wear a swimming suit because of how you might look?), it can be the real hindrance to sexual satisfaction.
THE ROAD TO BODY RESILIENCY
You might have seen or heard body-positive phrases such as “Love yourself, regardless of how your body looks!” While body positivity has helped to break down the dominant societal idea that there is only one acceptable body size, these ideas can still be harmful as they are still appearance-based. Drs. Lindsay and Lexi Kite, groundbreaking researchers in the field of body image, take the idea of body image positivity to the next level by saying: “Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good, it’s knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.”[8] Their focus is on shifting our thoughts about our bodies away from appearance and instead focusing on body resiliency: viewing bodies as instruments through which we experience life.
BUILDING BODY RESILIENCY
A resilient mindset towards body image allows a woman to be fully present with her spouse rather than concerned about her appearance during sexual experiences. Body resiliency allows us to be aware of self-objectification but not succumb to it. Instead, we know how it feels to want our bodies to look different, but we choose not to dwell on it. When we regularly let go of negative body image thoughts, we can develop long-lasting body resilience. Here are some ideas that can help you to build body resilience.
Mindfulness
Journal writing, prayer, quiet walks, and yoga are all forms of mindfulness and can increase self-confidence.[9] Taking time to slow down, listen to your thoughts, and focus on breathing can help break down negative thought patterns concerning body image. As you engage in mindfulness practices, allow yourself to let go of the immediate judgments that pop into your mind and be present.
Media Cleanse
Research shows that women who regularly use social media tend to have higher levels of body shaming and negative self-talk.[10] Instead of a juice cleanse, try a media cleanse! Delete social media apps off your device for a set amount of time and pay attention to how you feel without easy-access comparisons.
Exercise (That You ENJOY)
Though focusing on your mind will be more beneficial for your sexual life than your physical appearance, taking care of your body remains important. The key is to exercise with the motivation to take care of your body and find pride in your body’s abilities. Finding an enjoyable form of exercise can help you avoid the mindset of exercising to change your body and create a pleasant experience that benefits your body and your mind.
Avoid Appearance-Based Compliments
Rather than complimenting a friend on weight loss or appearance, try focusing more on who they are. Point out strengths you have noticed, personality traits you admire, or skills they have. Focusing on inward qualities in others will help you to see yourself in the same light: a person with gifts and qualities to offer to the world, not just an outward appearance.
Looking Forward to a Resilient Future
Women who focus less on appearance and are comfortable with their body have higher sexual satisfaction.[11] Imagine the freedom that partners can have if the focus is on the experience rather than appearance. If you aren’t currently in a relationship, gaining body resilience now will benefit you in future relationships. Remember, just as our bodies naturally fluctuate over time, our attitudes towards our body might too! We all have days we don’t love what we see in the mirror, but those are opportunities to practice more self-compassion. Day by day, we can gain body resiliency that will help to foster greater sexual satisfaction.
Lyndsey Kunzler is from Centerville, Utah and is a senior at BYU studying family studies. She looks forward to pursuing a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and doing further research on body image. She considers herself to be an “extroverted introvert”, a lover of artichokes, and passionate about finding new ways to create and deepen relationships.
[1] Kite, L., & Kite, L. (2020). More Than a Body: Your Body is an Instrument, Not an Ornament. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
[2] Wardle, J., Haase, A. & Steptoe, A. (2006). Body image and weight control in young adults: international comparisons in university students from 22 countries. International Journal of Obesity 30, 644–651. https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.ijo.0803050
[3] Polivy, J., & Herman, P. (2007). Is the body the self? Women and body image. Collegium antropologicum, 31(1), 63-67.
[4] Woertman, L., & Van Den Brink, F. (2012). Body image and female sexual functioning and behavior: A review. Journal of Sex Research, 49(2–3), 184–211. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.658586
[5] Satinsky, S., Reece, M., Dennis, B., Sanders, S., & Bardzell, S. (2012). An assessment of body appreciation and its relationship to sexual function in women. Body Image, 9, 137–144.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2011.09.007
[6] Robbins, AR., Reissing, E.D. Appearance Dissatisfaction, Body Appreciation, and Sexual Health in Women Across Adulthood. Arch Sex Behav 47, 703–714 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0982-9
[7] Fredrickson, B. L., & Roberts, T. A. (1997). Objectification theory: Toward understanding women’s lived experiences and mental health risks. Psychology of women quarterly, 21(2), 173-206.
[8] Kite, L., & Kite, L. (2020). More than a body. HMH Books.
[9] Albertson, E.R., Neff, K.D. & Dill-Shackleford, K.E. Self-Compassion and Body Dissatisfaction in Women: A Randomized Controlled Trial of a Brief Meditation Intervention. Mindfulness 6, 444–454 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-014-0277-3
[10] Kite, L., & Kite, L. (2020). More Than a Body: Your Body is an Instrument, Not an Ornament. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
[11] Pujols, Y., Meston, C. M., & Seal, B. N. (2010). The association between sexual satisfaction and body image in women. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7, 905–916.http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01604.x