Many people mistakenly think that if they were in a relationship, they would no longer feel lonely. It turns out, that’s just not true. Loneliness also is a problem for some married people. Loneliness doesn’t just go away, it’s something you must intentionally work to manage.
Research has found that even in married relationships, loneliness is still a significant struggle. It can feel daunting to combat loneliness, but here are a few simple tips you can do to combat loneliness.
When people are lonely it is often because they feel disconnected from social connections. Everyone wants to feel close to somebody, but for some reason, we might still feel alone even when surrounded by friends. This is totally normal, whether single or married! So, what is the best way to face that loneliness? Face it together – with a pal, with a family member, or with a partner. Be honest about what you feel. When you face loneliness together you can not only decrease your loneliness, but you can increase your closeness and connection with your partner.
Try these three techniques to combat loneliness with your partner:
Focus on the Positive:
When you are feeling lonely, take a few minutes to consider the positive. Open a small space in your thoughts for what is good or healthy in your life.
Reflecting on the positive helps people feel more connected with a loved one or your own blessings. By focusing on positive attributes, you and your loved one can foster feelings of deeper connection and a sense of belonging[i].
You can focus on positive attributes by:
- Writing down things you love about your partner or yourself.
- Talking to your partner’s parents and friends (or your parents and friends) about their positive attributes.
- Taking time to meditate with your partner, or with yourself, focusing on positivity.
By focusing on the positive, you can shift your focus away from negative attributes, alleviating possible conflicts or self-depreciating thoughts that lead to distance in your relationships[ii]. No one is suggesting the hard problems or difficulties will just disappear but giving the negative feelings a rest can help change our focus and renew our ability to find solutions. What are some other ways you can focus on the positive?
Express Gratitude:
Expressing gratitude creates an environment where you not only feel more positively towards your partner or yourself, but you are actively expressing that positivity. This expression has been shown to help bind couples closer together[iii], fortify social bonds, promote feelings of belonging, and decrease feelings of loneliness[iv].
So how do we do this? Small, simple moments of gratitude make all the difference. Here are some ideas for expressing gratitude:
- Write a love letter to your partner.
- Write down and share all the reasons you are grateful for a friend or family member.
- Notice and share the ways your partner, friend, or family serves you.
- Meditate on the reasons why you are grateful for yourself and what you do for yourself and others.
- Leave notes around the house for your partner, roommate, or family members to find.
By practicing these simple acts of expressing gratitude, your sense of belonging will increase, leading to greater relational satisfaction and decreased loneliness[v]. What are some other ways you can express gratitude for yourself and those around you?
Practicing Forgiveness
All relationships face arguments and disagreements. Conflict is impossible to avoid, but it is what we do afterward that makes all the difference. Choosing to forgive your spouse, friend, family member, or yourself after a conflict allows you to move forward and replace feelings of frustration with reconciliation and love[vi].
But what do you do when you know the other person is wrong? Extending forgiveness is easier said than done. But we all make mistakes. Remembering this can help us move past each other’s weaknesses. When we forgive, we show our loved ones the grace we hope to be given to us when we make a mistake.
Forgiveness has also been shown to lead to greater marital satisfaction and intimacy[vii], as well as overall life satisfaction[viii]. As you work to forgive, you increase relational satisfaction and connection, decrease your own loneliness, and increase life satisfaction. You may also feel a renewed sense of belonging because together you progressed without the fear of judgement.
There is an important distinction between daily conflicts faced by partners, family members, or friends and the contention found within an abusive relationship. Forgiveness does not mean just letting harmful things happen. Rather it means moving forward in a safe environment.
Conclusion
So, what do you do when you find yourself feeling lonely, in a relationship or not? You find ways to connect deeper with those around you. Be pro-active! Forming deeper connections allow you to face loneliness. When we focus on creating an environment of positivity, gratitude, and forgiveness in our relationships our connection grows beyond what we could have imagined. Not only will you combat loneliness together, but you will be able to face the unknown battles of life together – connected as partners, family, and friends.
The next time loneliness hits, have a plan for how to pro-actively combat these negative feelings and face your loneliness with your loved one or close friend.
AnnMarie Sandridge is an undergraduate student at Brigham Young University. She is majoring in Family Life with a focus on Family Studies. She is planning on earning a master’s degree in MFHD and hopes to go on to earn a Ph.D. She is passionate about helping people understand and embrace their sexuality. She loves to read, hike, travel, and understand new cultures.
[i] Mund, M., Weidmann, R., Wrzus, C., Johnson, M. D., Bühler, J. L., Burriss, R. P., Wünsche, J.,
& Grob, A. (2022). Loneliness is associated with the subjective evaluation of but not
daily dynamics in partner relationships. International Journal of Behavioral
Development, 46(1), 28-38. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025420951246
[ii] Mund, M., Weidmann, R., Wrzus, C., Johnson, M. D., Bühler, J. L., Burriss, R. P., Wünsche, J.,
& Grob, A. (2022). Loneliness is associated with the subjective evaluation of but not
daily dynamics in partner relationships. International Journal of Behavioral
Development, 46(1), 28-38. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025420951246
[iii] Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships.
Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455-469.
[iv] O’Connell, B. H., O’Shea, D., & Gallagher, S. (2016). Mediating effects of loneliness on the gratitude-health link. Personality and Individual Differences, 98, 179-183.
[v] Caputo, A. (2015). The relationship between gratitude and loneliness: The potential benefits of
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[vi] Thompson, L. Y., Snyder, C. R., Hoffman, L., Michael, S. T., Rasmussen, H. N., Billings, L.
S., … Roberts, D. E. (2005). Dispositional forgiveness of self, others, and situations.
Journal of Personality, 73(2), 313–360.
[vii] Aalgaard, R. A., Bolen, R. M., & Nugent, W. R. (2016). A literature review of forgiveness as a
beneficial intervention to increase relationship satisfaction in couples therapy. Journal of
Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 26(1), 46–55.
[viii] Kaleta, K., & Mróz, J. (2018). Forgiveness and life satisfaction across different age groups in adults. Personality and Individual Differences, 120, 17-23.