Lost Without It
When I think about the perks of technology, my first thought goes to the map feature that smartphones provide. I would be lost, literally lost, without my phone maps. In addition to maps, I rely on FaceTime, messaging, and other social media to connect with my friends and family members who live out of state. Technology offers us the unprecedented ability to overcome time and space by being able to connect with people around the world, anytime. For couples who are maintaining long-distance relationships, technology allows real-time communication, the ability to instantly share photos and videos, music, and other social networking that can build intimacy across distance. [i] . I have felt this when my husband is at work and sends me a thoughtful mid-day message just to say hello. Partners can keep in touch via text messaging, emails, calls, or chatting throughout the day, helping them stay connected[ii]. It can be reassuring to know that with a simple text you can contact your partner if something stressful happens. Some research suggests that there may be increased commitment, satisfaction, as well as better communication for couples that use technology to maintain their relationship. The relational benefits of technology go on and on.
“Technoference”
Amid all the benefits of technology to individuals and couples, there are some negatives to be aware of if we want to avoid potential relationship pitfalls. Technology can sometimes be a distraction in relationships. I have found myself distracted mid-sentence in a conversation with my husband by my phone screen lighting up with an email or text message. These interruptions happen to us all and are understandable. However, when they accumulate and begin to happen consistently, they can make the people right in front of us feel second to those trying to contact us via technology. A field of study is developing around the interference of technology, specifically in romantic relationships, called “technoference.” Technoference refers to the interference of technology in romantic relationships. This can be in the form of television, computers, cell or smartphones, or other technology.
Outcomes of Technoference
Technoference may not seem like too big of a deal; after all, everyone has emails they need to check, texts they want to respond to, or a TV show they are eager to watch. However, the person right in front of you does notice those moments when they lose your attention to a screen.
Discovering a Personal Solution
What can you watch for to make sure that technoference is not interrupting your romantic relationships? Pay attention and see if you lose focus in a conversation because of any technology-related distraction. If you notice this happening, perhaps a small activity might help. Take a day to track how often you feel technology interferes with your relationship with your significant other.
Keep a mental tally or a note somewhere. Pay attention to what type of technology causes the most distractions. When I participated in this activity, I noticed that I was part of a few group messages causing an incessant flow of texts that were distracting me throughout the day. I found a simple solution in silencing those group chats and checking them only as needed instead of every time a message came in. When you note what is causes the most distraction, see what solutions are available to limit distraction and control the technology. Perhaps even setting your phone aside—even in another room–during together times (mealtimes, bedtimes, dates, and other “together” times) could create more togetherness in your relationship. Talk with your partner about what technology limits would be healthy and work for your relationship.
Now keep watch for positive outcomes in your romantic relationship that may come with the changes you have made. Good luck, and enjoy the outcomes of a “technoference-free” romance!
Extra References
Dietmar, C. (2005). Mobile communication in couple relationships. In K. Nyiri (Ed.), A sense of place: The global and the local in mobile communication (pp. 201–208). Vienna, Austria: Passagen Verlag.
McDaniel, B. T., & Coyne, S. M. (2014). “Technoference”: The interference of technology in couple relationships and implications for women’s personal and relational well-being. Psychology of Popular Media Culture. doi: 10.1037/ppm0000065.
[1] Hertlein, K. M., & Piercy, F. P. (2008). Therapists’ assessment and treatment of Internet infidelity cases. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 34(4), 481-497.
[i] Coyne, S. M., Stockdale, L., Busby, D., Iverson, B., & Grant, D. M. (2011). “I luv u :)!”: A descriptive study of the media use of individuals in romantic relationships. Family Relations, 60, 150–162.
[ii] Pettigrew, J. (2009). Text messaging and connectedness within close interpersonal relationships. Marriage & Family Review, 45, 697–716.
[iii] Czechowsky, J. D. (2008). The impact of the BlackBerry on couple relationships. (Unpublished doctoral dissertation). Wilfrid Laurier University. Retrived from http://scholars.wlu.ca/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2055&context=etd
[iv] Coyne, S. M., Busby, D., Bushman, B. J., Gentile, D. A., Ridge, R., & Stockdale, L. (2012). Gaming in the game of love: Effects of video games on conflict in couples. Family Relations, 61, 388–396.
Joanna Gurr is a senior at BYU studying communications and family life. She is preparing for graduate school in the Marriage, Family, and Human Development program hoping to study communication between parents and children on the important topics of healthy sexuality.